Me (answering the phone despite it being too late to answer the phone): uh, hello?

Landlord: yeah, uh, it’s Peter. I heard that the shower had to be adjusted but they, uh, had to wait for it to dry.

Me: yeah, something like that (nothing like that bit whatevs)

Landlord: and also, I figured that hans’ heater is approximately 12volt and that squared times the square root of blah blah blah divided by Pi and in conjunction with the 5 days at bippledebab should come out to about $22 dollars so you can discount that from the rent if you really need to

Me: what? (my brain is literally hurting at this point.

Landlord: yeah, and while were on the subject, I get your rent one to two days late every month

Me: but I make an automatic transfer on or before the first and it transfers immediately

Landlord: well, I get it late

Me: o-k. I guess I’ll have to transfer it earlier

Landlord: not a big deal

Me: (thinking, if it’s not a big deal why did you say it) ok

Landlord: ok

Me: ok, sigh

Landlord: ok. Merry Christmas

Me: yeah, you too (meanwhile, the conversation is becoming exceedingly awkward and I want to hang up)

Landlord: we are going out of town Tuesday

Me: ok

Landlord: merry Christmas

Me: (oh dear god, please hang up) you too (AGAIN)

Landlord: bye

Me: ggggggaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I never want to have to ever talk with him again. I think he just called again; I did not answer.